I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
