I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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