Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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