we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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