some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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