Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
