If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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