i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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