I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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