i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize