Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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