Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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