You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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