had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
