note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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