Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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