i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
