Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
