i permit you to call me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
