I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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