Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
