I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize