If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
