How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
