k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
