i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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