the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We talked him into tasing himself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
