This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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