once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
