He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
