I think I won the penis lottery.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
