I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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