after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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