you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
