So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
