I am in a vortex of obligation.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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