I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
