How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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