Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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