Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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