Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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