I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
