i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
