Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
