I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
