how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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