so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
