Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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