I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just pee around me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
