I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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