I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
