I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His hands were made for my vagina.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
