He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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