the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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