Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
