I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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