i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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