We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
