FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
