Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
