In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
one two three fourrrrnication!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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