dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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