so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
