I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
