how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
