my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
