Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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