PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
