The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
