Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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