"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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