there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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