If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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