I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
